What if you’re passive-aggressive without realizing it? Here are a few phrases that creep into our daily lives, not always sincerely.
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Passive-aggressive people are often hard to pin down. This type of behavior creeps into our everyday conversations, and tends to taint our friendly, loving and professional relationships. This attitude is characterized by indirect, insidious remarks or actions, which in reality conceal malice or unspoken hostility.
Some people act in a passive-aggressive way without being aware of it, because they feel the need to take revenge after a disappointment, for example. Anyone can be led to adopt this kind of behavior, but people who prefer to avoid conflict are more likely to behave in this way. “Being passive-aggressive often involves a desire to avoid face-to-face conflict, not being truly honest about what you think, or making subtle comments that seem harmless but have an underlying negative impact on the receiver,” points out Miya Yung, a mental health therapist in the USA, in the columns of “HuffPost”. By interviewing several relationship experts, our confrères have identified 6 passive-aggressive expressions that we may sometimes utter without realizing their impact.
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„GOOD FOR YOU!
We’re supposed to say this phrase when we’re delighted at someone’s success. However, this expression isn’t always as sincere as it sounds: “It can hide envy or resentment, and is sometimes a way of expressing a feeling of injustice about a situation,” explains Los Angeles-based clinical psychologist Ryan Howes to HuffPost. A certain ambivalence can emerge: “It’s possible to feel both happy for someone and upset by your own misfortune,” he adds.
“I’M SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY” OR “YOU’RE TOO SENSITIVE”.
At first glance, “I’m sorry” may give the illusion of empathy for the other person. But this way of blaming the other person’s feelings or minimizing one’s emotions, instead of assuming one’s own responsibilities, is particularly toxic. If you want to apologize sincerely, “I’m sorry I acted the way I did” or “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings” would be more appropriate.
“IT’S GOOD”
Pretending you’re fine when you’re upset can make things worse. Putting a mask on your emotions can be counterproductive and amplify what you’re feeling. What’s more, the person you’re talking to won’t be in a position to remedy the situation or come to your aid, should you need it. So the best thing to do is to express your feelings openly.
„WHATEVER
If this phrase comes after you’ve given your point of view or expressed your preferences on a particular subject, and the other person refuses to take your wishes into account, “It doesn’t matter” may hide a feeling of frustration. Here again, it’s best to prefer sincere exchanges.
„IF YOU SAY SO
This expression implies that you disagree with your interlocutor, or that you wish to end the discussion. „Instead, be open-minded and consider other opinions and thoughts to be just as valuable as your own. Try: “Thank you for sharing your point of view with me. I understand why you say that. Would you also be open to me sharing my point of view?“, advises Melissa Robinson-Brown, a clinical psychologist in New York, to our confrères.